How Much Say Should Your Partner Have Concerning Your Appearance?

Just how far do you go to please your better half when it comes to your appearance? Probably pretty far right? Most of us mainly do things or wear certain things because we think that it makes us more attractive to our partners, which it usually does. Most of the time if you really think in depth about it, you would come to realize that the main thing that makes you so smokin' hot in that sequined red dress is how good YOU actually feel about your own self. That confidence that you exude is contagious and also intoxicating to those around you, especially your significant other. You love the way you look in it, the way it feels on your skin and the captivating effect it has on people of the opposite sex. You're a tantalizing tamale in that thing! That's great and all, or as my son likes to say sarcastically, ''Good for you!'' But what happens when the lines of control and opinion start to become muddy and your mate suddenly reveals (or over a period of time) that they dislike some of your favorite styles, whether it be your hairstyles, sense of fashion, make-up, weight or the like?

In many cases, couples were quite fine with their choice in the early stages of the relationship and in fact, was drawn to the other person by the very thing that they now complain about. There are of course cases where folks go a little overboard and decide to radically change their look, much to the displeasure and surprise of their partner, naturally warranting an objection. I'm not talking about those. I'm referring to the woman who may want to rock her natural hair for the first time since kindergarten and now hubby's comparisons to her and Jill Scott are becoming unbearable. Don't think for a second that Jill Scott's not an attractive black woman but this lady's husband's comments have derogatory air behind them. Or what about the wife that tries to tell her husband that his weight is spiraling out of control and that she's becoming less attracted to him and all 250 pounds that come along for the ride every night. (Hopefully not in those exact words!) How far should you go with your looks and how far should they go with their opinions and criticism of what you do with your appearance?

My grandma always taught me that you should never spoil a man so much that he starts to feel like he's your god. He is A god within himself. So what does that make you? A goddess within! She was not speaking in a feminist way but rather pointing out scripture from the Bible; The Ten Commandments in fact, that ''Thou shall have no other gods before me.'' It is is my strong belief that only those who have not discovered who God really is and the magnitude of His power wrestle to please another by such frivolous means. You should by all means try to do, look, feel as best you possibly can to please both your partner as well as yourself. When it gets unhealthy and/or scary is when it goes against the vision you have of yourself and takes you away from being authentically you. Your partner is supposed to love you in every sense of the word. What makes you happy should suffice to make them happy as well.

There are occasions when it becomes clear that they may have control issues or worse, may not even really be that attracted to you anymore and want you to embody some false image of what they wish they had. Sorry to be so blunt but that's often the case.

There are however those couples in this same dilemna but love each other dearly and know that it could just be a passing phase. I'm not referring to them either. I'm specifically talking to those they are either begged or pleaded with to cut their hair only to be asked to wear a wig within a month of doing so. I'm talking about the ones who've been told that they will never be accepted by society for their look by the person closest to them. I'm talking about those people who have hardly no sense of personal style judging and dictating what another adult does with their physical appearance.



To give a prime example, Kim Kardashian-West and Kanye! Kim's style has changed a tad but it's her man who supports her style and all of her curves. He dresses her in a sense but already knows what she likes and if not, allows her to make her own decisions. Should you require the approval of a man to step out of the house feeling fabulous, you should start questioning the dynamics of your relationship.

"Let me adorn you", those beautiful and most powerful words of Miguel come to mind. A king's mindset is to adorn his queen...NOT strip her of her jeweled crown!

Another great or even better example,  the gorgeous Michelle Obama. Throughout both of the two terms spent in The White House, Michelle has done an exemplary job at showing women that you can be as elegant, stylish, sexy and sophisticated as your heart desires. She was and still is a stunning epitome of confidence and class.

In the end, you need no permission but your own to dress up or to dress down according to how you feel.